Gundam-Jacking or Not
by kyuuketsuneko
Summary: What would happen if Gundam designers & mechanics (in the C.E.-verse – not the producers of the show) actually had some common sense… (Rated M for course language implications of Kira/Athrun behind the scenes).
1. Aegis, Buster, Blitz, Duel & Strike

**Summary:** what would happen if Gundam designers & mechanics (in the C.E.-verse – not the producers of the show) actually had some common sense…

Includes both "**takes**" (i.e. alternative versions of what would happen in the story) which are NOT linked to each other and "**backstages**" (i.e. what would happen when the characters have wee little complaints to each other about the problems in each take… such as Athrun accidentally-whoops. Read on to find out =D).

**Disclaimer:** All Gundam Seed (Destiny) characters & their personalities belong to the creators of GSD.

**A/N:** I've been wondering this for a while, but why, oh why, all ye Gundam engineers, mechanics, designers (& whoever else is involved in the production of Gundams in CE-verse), did you guys not put a lock & key system in the Gundams?

Did it not occur to you that there are Gundam-jackers or something?

**Before you start:** because I'm lazy and because no one wants to read "Gundam mechanics, engineers, designers & whoever else is involved in the production of Gundams" every single time I want to refer to them, they'll all just be called "Gundam-mechanics" or "GMs".

Sometimes, there may be multiple **takes** of the same scene just because I want to explore different idiotic moments of our favourite pilots.

**Warning:** OOCness and foul language. Where would Yzak be without his temper?

~X~

**Chapter 1: Aegis, Buster, Blitz, Duel & Strike**

_What if the Earth Alliance GMs had some common sense when designing the Buster, Duel, Blitz, Strike & Aegis…_

**Take 01: A Key Problem**

"Shit!"

The silver-haired youth slammed his fist down on the interior of the 'G-Unit' Duel with enough force to almost crack the controls.

He probably would have proceeded to destroy the interior of Duel (with his bare hands no less) if it wasn't for a voice, oozing with smugness, which stopped him mid-strike.

"What? On your period, Yzak?"

Eyebrows twitching in poorly-controlled anger, Yzak swallowed a string of colourful language and instead snapped:

"Shut up, Dearka, and use your bloody eyes, you dumbass."

There was a period of brief silence on communications channel. Then –

"This _is_ a problem."

"No shit, Sherlo-"

"This situation, hardly warrants your use of foul language, Yzac," interrupted a green-haired youth (who, despite his gentleness, refused to let the argument dissolve into a-couple-in-divorce's-lover's-spat).

"Shut up, Nicol" snapped both boys.

Ignoring the pair, Nicol continued: "so. Now what?"

"Ask Athrun?"

Yzak was tempted, at that stage, to jump into the cockpit of Buster just so he could strangle a certain idiot blonde living up to his hair colour. Fortunately, he fought down that urge. Instead, he resorted to:

"I REFUSE TO ASK FOR HELP FROM THAT BASTARD!"

Nicol sighed.

"Well guys, no matter how you look at it, we're missing a very _key_ component of these G Units."

As if on cue, Dearka began snorting with laughter.

"WHAT'S SO FUNNY?!" demanded Yzak, his patience worn far beyond paper-thin.

Between his snorts and giggles, Dearka gasped out:

"He just said KEY problem! KEY problem!"

At that point, Nicol couldn't contain himself and burst into a small fit of giggles as well.

Yzak twitched.

"I don't get it," he muttered through gritted teeth.

~X~

_Meanwhile, with the other 2 G-Units:_

"RUSTY!" yelled Athrun as his roommate was mercilessly gunned down.

Beating back all unnecessary emotions, the blue-haired Coordinator headed towards the nearest G-Unit.

After a brief scuffle with the Earth Alliance soldiers (_A/N: if you want a recap of this, enjoy episode 1 of GS again~_), Athrun found himself about to stab a female soldier when-

"Athrun?"

Stopping dead in his tracks, Athrun gasped "Kira?"

And so a brief staredown between the two shocked youths ensued.

In the midst of explosions.

On top of a mobile suit.

Little did they know, they would spend around 40 episodes having such awkward staring sessions. Perhaps if they had known how many precious airing minutes were taking up by the emotionally-awkward staring sessions filled with UST* (at least in fangirl-vision), they would've snapped themselves out of their little trance and run away screaming like the little boys they should've been.

But alas, they did not.

It was only through the sensible actions of Murrue (by pointing a gun at Athrun) that the UST-staredown was ended.

"You do realise that you can't Gundam-jack** us, right?"

"Huh?"

"I have the keys to all of the Gundams."

BANG.

If it wasn't for the fact that it was his _friend_ that just ate a bullet and that singing randomly in a battle would be a hugely un-Kira thing to do, Kira may have been tempted to break into "Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)"…

**Backstage 01: A Key Problem**

K = Kira  
M = Murrue  
A = Athrun  
Y = Yzak

D = Dearka

N = Nicol

K: Er. Murrue, you weren't meant to kill Athrun.

M: I wasn't?

K: No. We kind of needed him for long arcs of indecisiveness and ultimately serial betrayals throughout GS & GSD.

M: Whoopsies. M'bad?

A (as a ghost): Yes. Your bad.

D: I think you mean "you're" bad.

A: Shut up. I was accusing this… Natural... of being the one at fault here. And shut up Yzak.

Y: *was doubled-over laughing during the whole conversation*

A: Yzak!

Y: But-haha-*wheeze*-you got shot-*snorts*-down by a-*giggles*-NATURAL!

A: …–

K: … Um. Athrun, are you okay?

A: Would you be, if you just got shot down by a Natural – a woman no less – and your best friend was about to BREAK INTO SONG after your death?!

K: … I didn't break into song!

A: You were tempted to.

K: Touche.

M: Athrun.

A: What?

M: Did you just point out that one, I'm a Natural and two, I'm a woman?

A: Er, yes?  
M: … *glare*

A: *noticing her glare* Er… *sweatdrop* well you are? (Aren't you?! Please don't tell me she's-)

M: Yes, but that is hugely sexist and racist of you.

A: … um. *Sweatdrop* (well at least she's not a –)

M: I'm glad I killed you off now *breaks into a beaming smile*. I think I've just done all the women in the world a huge favour – especially the Zala girls.

D, Y, Z & K: Zala girls?

N: *Re-enters the room with a mug of coffee* Zala girls?

M: Yes, *puts one hand on hip and the other in a anime-esque teacher pose* the Zala girls.

D, Y, N, Z & K: *Confused faces*.

M: *Sigh* did you guys not see the casting and script for GSD?

D, N & Y: There's a sequel?

M: Didn't you get the memo?

Y: … clearly not, woman.

M: Oh I suppose since you two *points at D & Y* get demoted to 'minor roles', they decided they could mail you later.

D & Y: WHAT?!

N: What about me?

M: Oh, you? You die (in episode 29).

N: *Bursts into tears and runs out of the room* BUT I HAVE KIDS TO FEEEEED! THEY CAN'T CUT ME OUT OF THE SHOW LIKE THISSSSSS!

M, A, Y & D: *Sweatdrops*

M: That kid has kids?

A: Even _I_ didn't know that!

Y & D: …

K: He's really 15, right?

A: Last time I checked the script, yes.

M, Y & D: *sweatdrops*

M: *Mutters* kids these days… always popping out more kids…

A: Ahem. Anyway, what is this about Zala girls?

M: Well, as you all know, James Bond has his "Bond girls", right?

D, K & A: Uh-huh?

M: Soooo.

D: *Look of sudden enlightenment* WHAAAT? HE GETS A HAREM?!

Y: *Pulls a digusted face*

A: WHAAAT?!

K: … Athrun *menacing look*.

A: *Not daring to look at Kira* … Yes, Kira?

K: I think we need to have a little talk *roaring flames of anger blaze behind him*

A: *Sweatdrop* err. I can explain?

K: Save it for when we get home *punch*.

A: *Is knocked out*.

D (in a whisper to Y): What's got his knickers in a twist?

Y (to D): You mean you don't know?

D: ?

Y: … Look here *points at a certain book* "Kira has Athrun round his little finger".  
D: *Pales*. Oh no. They're not like-

Y: I believe they are.

D: But they're scripted to hook up with each other's girls right?!

Y: On the surface at least.  
D: *faints*.

M: I think this was too much for him, huh?

Y: Thank you for your keen observation, Captain Obvious.

M: Anyway, Zala girls, you're all dismissed.

Zala girls (you all know who they are): WHAT?!

* UST stands for "unresolved sexual tension".

** Yes, I'm aware that only Kira called the G-Units "Gundams" in GS (& it was only in GSD that the characters really started yelling "Gundams! Gundams everywhere!"), but Gundam-jacking just sounds so much snappier than "mobile suit-jacking" or "G-Unit-jacking".

In case you guys don't know who I'm referring to as the Zala girls, it's Meer, Cagalli, Meyrin & Lunamaria. If you want to stretch your imagination I suppose you could include Lacus & Talia too…

**Take 02: Key Question**

"WHAT THE HELL IS THIS?" roared Yzak.

Dearka looked at the offending object with equal curiousity.

Nicol was tempted to slam his head in his cockpit.

"I believe it is a keyhole, Yzak."

"A what-hole?"

"An asshole?"

"Can it, Dearka," snarled Yzak.

"A _key hole._ Something you insert a key into to unlock it."

"How's this a keyhole?" asked Dearka.

"Didn't you every pay attention in history?" snapped Yzak.

"Did you?" he shot back.

"…. No. I'm a soldier for-"

"Guys, stop it. Arguing inside the cockpits of these things isn't going to get us anywhere. I think we're better off carrying these back to the Vessalius in our own units."

"And who made _you_ the leader?" hissed Yzak.

"Common sense did."

"… Touche, coward, touché," murmured Yzak.

_Meanwhile, with the other 2 G-Units – this time, Athrun managed to escape being shot this time & actually made it inside the Aegis:_

"… What's this?" shrieked Athrun into the radio.

"I believe it's a keyhole," stated Nicol.

'_Is he psychic?!_' wondered Athrun.

"You're telling me I'm stuck in a mobile suit surrounded by flames with A KEYHOLE AND NO KEY?!"

"Stop screaming like a woman, Zala, and yes. You're screwed. Ha. Ha."

"Shut it, Joule, you do this all the time. And that fake laughter of yours is –"

"Disgusting," finished Dearka.

Athrun probably would've congratulated Dearka on finishing his sentence so aptly if it wasn't for the fact that Murrue had finally started up the Strike and managed to crush the Aegis' cockpit.

SPLAT.

**Backstage 02: Key Question**

K = Kira  
M = Murrue  
A = Athrun  
Y = Yzak

D = Dearka

M: I'm quite the villain here, aren't I?

A: The authoress hates me.

K: No, she doesn't. She just wants to troll you. And besides, if that Gundam-jacking had failed, you really would've been the one that was in most trouble, so it makes sense that you died.

A: Hearing something that actually makes sense come out of your mouth is…

M: Refreshing?  
D: Insane.

A: Thank you Dearka, you know exactly how to finish by sentences for me.

Y: …

K (to M): By the way, shouldn't you be running now?  
M: Me? Why?

K: *Points*

M: *Looks over at where K is pointing to* Oh for the love of-

Zala girls: MURRUE! YOU ! #)$(*!)#$!#$!

M: Er. Well, BYE!

~X~

If any of you were wondering, the keys here look like Victorian-styled keys with very, very large keyholes.

By the Cosmic Era, I'm assuming that all keys look like our modern ones, and so our common sense-less pilots failed to recognise them.

_Coming soon:_

**Chapter 2: Freedom**  
_What if the ZAFT GMs actually acted like 'Coordinators' when designing Freedom?_

**Chapter 3: Abyss, Chaos & Gaia**

_What if the ZAFT GMs finally learnt their lesson and put a lock on Abyss, Chaos & Gaia?_


	2. Freedom

**Summary:** what would happen if Gundam designers & mechanics (in the C.E.-verse – not the producers of the show) actually had some common sense…

Includes "**takes**" (i.e. alternative versions of what would happen in the story) and "**backstages**" (which are little scenes following what happens backstage after each take).

**Disclaimer:** All Gundam Seed (Destiny) characters & their personalities belong to the creators of GSD.

**A/N: **I writer's-blocked on this chapter… sorry guys.

**Before you start:**

GMs = Gundam-mechanics i.e. everyone involved in making a Gundam.

Sometimes, there may be multiple **takes** of the same scene just because I want to explore different idiotic moments of our favourite pilots.

**Warning:** OOCness and foul language. Implied shoujo ai in the backstage.

* * *

**Chapter 2: Freedom**

_What if the ZAFT GMs learnt from the EA GMs' mistake when designing the Freedom..._

**Take 01: Blonde… no wait, Pink-Haired moment**

Floating gracefully, a pink-haired songstress gave a brief nod to a pair of smitten green suits. That was all that was needed to prompt the two to open the gates to a top-secret mobile suit: the ZGMF-X10A Freedom. Of course, they failed to notice, let alone give a second glance to, a certain brown-haired redcoat guiltily trailing behind her like some kind of lost puppy. In another world, this act of hormonally-fuelled stupidity would soon make unemployment the least of their problems, but alas, the GMs of this world appear to have functional brains.

"Here we are," Lacus stated.

Kira merely blinked until the motion-sensing lights switched on.

"A Gundam!" he exclaimed, his confusion melting into happy surprise.

"Not quite. This is the ZGMF-X10A Freedom," corrected Lacus. However, noticing the slightly-dejected-puppy-dog face Kira was making, the songstress of peace salvaged the situation with: "but I like 'Gundam' better. It sounds stronger." Not one of her wittier praises, but for a spur-of-the-moment comment, she was pretty content with how it turned out, and so she gave a nervous laugh.

'_But really… Boys. *Internal sigh*. Why do they hate being wrong so much? This is why humans never seem to stop fighting.'_ she thought to herself as she gave a brief introduction to the background of the grey machine in front of them. She sighed internally again as she was forced to reassure Kira that her intentions for giving him the machine were pure and 'for the greater good'. Whatever that was meant to be.

"Who are you?" he suddenly asked.

Lacus felt like banging her head on the railings. '_Did he hit his head harder than the Reverend claimed during the explosion or something?_' she wondered, but gave a politically-correct smile and replied, "I'm Lacus Clyne, Kira Yamato," appending a second part to her answer to spare the boy from asking "who am I?" (which he seemed to do every time he asked her who she was)*.

After bidding each other farewell, Kira glided into the cockpit of the Freedom and flipped seven switches in succession, eagerly awaiting the soft whirring sounds that would tell his ears the machine was starting up.

Silence.

He looked around. Not a single one of the dashboards was lighting up.

'_Strange…_'

He looked around more.

Levers: in place.

Switches: flipped.

Energy meter: err... well the dashboards were off so unknown, but at least no 'critical energy levels reached' signals were flashing.

Keyhole-wait what?

Slamming open the cockpit, Kira shrieked "LACUS!"

"WHAT? GET GOING ALREADY!" roared the songstress in a way that would have put the Lion of Orb to shame.

"I think you forgot to give me something," whimpered Kira, his voice trailing off as he noticed the ire on Lacus' face.

"WHAT?"

"-ey.."

"WHAT? SPEAK UP."

"A key."

"… awkward~~" she sang while moving her hands in the 'upside-down awkward turtle swim' motion.

"Blonde moment much…?"

"HEY I HEARD THAT! IT'S A BLONDE… NO WAIT, PINK-HAIRED MOMENT!" screeched a voice that should really not on the PLANTS.

"… Cagalli?!"

Meanwhile, the Archangel and all of its crew met a painful demise at the hands of one measly, butt-ugly, outdated mobile suit and Rau Le Crueset was left to rule the universe as he pleased. Or rather, destroy it. But let's not split hairs. It's _only _the universe after all.

* * *

* = no, Kira doesn't have any brain damage/amnesia in this fanfic. I'm just making fun of his presumed inability to flirt as the only two girls that he's been with (at least in cannon) are Flay & Lacus, and since Flay pretty much threw herself onto Kira (no questions asked), no flirting was required, and his relationship with Lacus seemed to stay preposterously chaste… and seeing that he seemed like the quiet & meek kind of fellow in GS (and quiet & brooding in GSD), it seems likely that Kira's not the greatest flirt in the world. I could be wrong, but I love making fun of my favourite characters kukukukukukuku.

* * *

**Backstage 01: Blonde… no wait, Pink-Haired moment**

A = Athrun  
C = Cagalli

D = Dearka

K = Kira  
L = Lacus

M = Murrue  
N = Nicol

Y = Yzak

K: I think our authoress is completely out of puns and is so desperate that she's making fun of my dating skills. Which, for the record, are great.

A: …

K: What?

A: …

K: WHAT?

A: Yzak. You tell him.

Y: WHAT? WHY? This has nothing to do with me! And who gave YOU the right to order ME around, huh, Zala?

A: … Dearka?

D: Don't ask me! I'm innocent! I'm not involved in this! Nu-uh! No sir! Not one bit!

K: I'm starting to feel concerned. Is that bad?

K, D & Y: Yes.

N: *Walking in with a cup of coffee* What're you guys talking about this time?

K: My awesome dating skills.

N: *Chokes on coffees and dies*.

A: *Grabs Kira by the collar* YOU KILLED HIM! AGAIN! KILLING HIM ON-SET WASN'T ENOUGH AND NOW YOU HAVE TO KILL HIM OFF-SET TOO?!

D (to Y): Is no one going to ask why Nicol's even still on-set?

Y (to D): I heard he was trying to convince the director to let him come back to life in GSD. I mean Mu revives, Kira revives, and even Rau pseudo-revives through his other-clone Rey…

D (to Y): And how's that going?

Y (to D): Not well. I think Nicol fails to notice that he lacks a key aspect needed to revival.

D (to Y): And what's that?

Y (to D): The absence of one or more biological parents in their life.

D (to Y): I see! I never noticed!

Y (to D): Speaking of not noticing things, how could Yamato not notice that-

D (to Y): He has absolutely no 'dating' experience.

Y (to D): Exactly. First he was used as some boytoy for a mentally unstable vengeance-bound redhead from hell-

D (to Y): And then he was dragged all over the place by a certain pink-haired princess who was just playing with him by leading him on all the time-

Y (to D): And now he's just a sex slave at Athrun's beck and call as a 'best friend with benefits'…

M: *Enters the room (while holding another cup of coffee) only to find Athrun half-killing Kira* What in Haumea's name are you guys doing?

A: Killing Kira.

K: Being killed by Athrun for accidentally killing Nicol. Again.

M: …? How did you kill him this time?

K: By making him choke on his coffee.

M: ….

K: …

M: *Sips coffee*… anyway, shouldn't you call the police and/or funeral home?

A & K: …

M: What?

A & K think to themselves: This woman knows no fear.

L: *Enters the room holding a cup of mocca* Ara, ara? Why's Nicol dead on the ground?

K: … I killed him. End of story.

A: Kira! *Is about to jump on him to strangle him once more when-*

L: Oh Kira, before you die, will you give your blessings at my wedding?

A, K, D, Y & M: *Freezes* … What?

K (at Hoodwinked's Twitchy speed): Why? What for? Who're you marrying anyway? When's the wedding? Do I need to prepare a speech? Athrun, where do I get a fancy tux? Do I need to bring gifts? Who's invited? Where are you getting married anyway? And why didn't you tell me about this earlier? Do I know-

L: Cagalli.

K: Huh?

L: I'm marrying Cagalli.

K: … what? I think Athrun spiked my drink earlier. Did you just say you're marryin-

C: *Enters the room* LITTLE BROTHER! BE MY BEST MAN! (Imagine the 'male' Revy's voice in one of the Black Lagoon Omakes)

K: *Faints*

A: *Lets go of Kira & faints*

Y: *Sighs and walks out of the room, dragging Nicol's corpse with him*. I'll deal with this one. You *points at Dearka* deal with those two *points at Kira & Athrun on the ground*.

D: Okay, whatever… and er, Murrue, I can see why Kira fainted, but why did Athrun faint as well?

M: Oh? Didn't you know? Athrun went out with Cagalli at one point, and prior to that he was engaged to Lacus.

D: Andddd?

Miriallia: *Barges in*. You're so dense. You do at least know that Meyrin & Meer hooked up, right?

D: … No I didn't, but what does that have to do with anything?

Miriallia: *Facepalm*.

M: Well, Dearka-kun, imagine if every single girl you dated/was engaged to suddenly realised that they were actually lesbians (or at least bisexuals who preferred girls) and then decided to hook up with each other. How would you feel?

D: Emasculated?

M: Exactly.

D: Ah. Oh. I see. Man, Yzak missed some epic blackmail material.

Miriallia: That he did… that he did. (But I didn't~ teehee~).

_And drama ensued within 24 hours on FacebookCE…_

* * *

**Next...**

**Chapter 3: Abyss, Chaos & Gaia**

_What if the ZAFT GMs finally learnt their lesson and put a lock on Abyss, Chaos & Gaia?_


	3. Abyss, Chaos & Gaia

**Summary:** what would happen if Gundam designers & mechanics (in the C.E.-verse – not the producers of the show) actually had some common sense…

Includes "**takes**" (i.e. alternative versions of what would happen in the story) and "**backstages**" (which are little scenes following what happens backstage after each take).

**Disclaimer:** All Gundam Seed (Destiny) characters & their personalities belong to the creators of GSD.

**A/N: **Isn't it a bit weird *cough convenient plot device-esque cough* how the GMs of ZAFT let their secret super-weapons get Gundam-jacked not once, but twice in a row?

**Before you start:**

GMs = Gundam-mechanics i.e. everyone involved in making a Gundam.

Sometimes, there may be multiple **takes** of the same scene just because I want to explore different idiotic moments of our favourite pilots.

**Warning:** OOCness and mass idiocy. If you read between the lines hard enough, you may spot a little bit of Neo x Stellar.

* * *

**Chapter 3: Abyss, Chaos & Gaia**

_What if the ZAFT GMs finally learnt their lesson (i.e. by having the Freedom stolen from them) and put a lock on Abyss, Chaos & Gaia?_

**Take 01: Chairman, We Didn't Really Capture Them**

Guns blazing, the poor green-suited technicians and average soldiers stood no chance against the three Extendeds, who made short work of the poor fellows who failed to even qualify as red shirts*1. Jumping in a gravity-defying manner, the trio hopped into the cockpits of Chaos, Gaia & Abyss.

"How is it?" asked Sting.

"… Just as the info said." retorted Auel sarcastically.

"Damn, I was hoping you'd have better luck than me." Sting cursed, then noticed that Gaia's comm. link was finally up. "Stellar?"

"Mm-mn."

"What's that supposed to mean?"

"I'm taking that as a no," stated Sting.

"Hey Sting, does yours have a weird hole on the bottom left of your-"

"Yeah."

"What's it for?"

"For you to stick something into it I guess."

"Like what?"

"Key! A key!" exclaimed Stellar, who, for once, knew something the other two didn't – she remembered that Neo had mentioned it to her in one of their 'private' sessions together, and had assumed that Neo had had those sessions with the other two as well. Alas (or rather, thankfully for Murrue), it was not the case.

Unfortunately, with a burst of conveniently-timed static, what Sting & Auel heard was "Ki-ki!", which the pair promptly ignored (assuming that it was part of Stellar's idiot-act).

Silence then reigned for a few minutes before Auel suddenly shrieked:

"Those ZAFT perverts!"

Two seconds was all that was needed for Sting to one, figure out what Auel meant and two, try to stick the implied object into the hole. Needless to say, it didn't fit.

"OOOOOOOOOOOOWWWWW/AUUUUUEEEEEEL*2" yelled (or rather, screamed) Sting.

"You actually believed me?" asked Auel, incredulous.

"Stellar doesn't get it," stated the (fortunately) pure-hearted blonde.

"You. Just. Wait."

A pause. Fortunately the monitors were off, as he was busy nursing his wounded. Er. Organ.

"I. Will. Kill. You. For. This. Until. You. Are. Dead. And-"

"Dead? Die? AHHHHHHH!" came the feminine scream through the radio.

"Damnit Sting, why did you have to go and say that while Stellar was still listening you moron?!"

"Shut up, or I'll start cracking 'your momma' jokes!"

"Momma? Mummy? Mother? AHHHH" came another, slightly more masculine scream through the radio.

"…. Whoops. Now what?" asked Sting, presumably to himself as his two fellow Extendeds were starting to enter a catatonic state. He sighed, and wondered to himself why the bosses of OMNI never seemed to think these through and chose such commonly-spoken keywords. He signed again and looked again at an offending hole.

And then it clicked.

"WE NEED A KEY*3-! AHHHHHHHHH" screamed Sting, accidentally saying his own trigger-word.

_10 minutes later_…

"So you're telling me that you captured three E.A. Extendeds attempting to steal Gaia, Abyss & Chaos?"

"Well, Chairman, we didn't really capture them."

"Explain."

"They were already catatonic by the time we found them it seems."

"Hm… curious. Well… that's that I suppose. Let's leave it to some of our experts look at them, shall we?"

"Sir, yes sir!"

* * *

*1 = Yes. I do mean red shirts here. Not red coats.

Red coats are the so-called elites like Athrun & co, while red shirts are just cannon fodder who serve to drive the plot forward by causing one or more protagonists to angst, e.g. if Nicol, Stellar & Tolle had smaller roles, you could probably get away with calling them red shirts. Fortunately they don't, so their deaths are somewhat tragic.

*2 = Auel & ow sound pretty similar when you're screaming your head off, so there's a bit of a double-meaning in Sting's scream.

*3 = Nowhere is it shown what Sting's trigger-word is, but I took the liberty of making it 'key'. And no, I'm not going to bother to rewatch most of GSD just to make sure that the word 'key' was never spoken in Sting's presence.

* * *

**Backstage 01: Chairman, We Didn't Really Capture Them**

A = Athrun

Au = Auel  
C = Cagalli

Du = Durandal

K = Kira  
L = Lacus

Sh = Shinn

St = Sting

Ste = Stellar

Sh: Wait, what?! I didn't get to make my dramatic entrance at all!

K: And I wasn't even on-set!

A: … why are you guys even here? GSD doesn't need you.

K & Sh: … says Mr. Dino there.

K: Seriously, who even came up with the name Alex Dino?

Sh: Well he is quite a dinosaur.

K: … Cagalli~~~ Shinn called you (and most of the GS(D) cast) old again!

C: WHAT?! First I find out that I'm not even in this scene, then I find out that the original directors turned me into some pathetic damsel in distress who gets married to a purple-haired disgrace to the human race and now Shinn's picking a fight with me?! Oh my day just keeps getting better, doesn't it? *proceeds to pummel Shinn*.

K: Anyway, Athrun, your initials are A.D.! A.D.! Anno Domino! What kind of ancient time period was that anyway? It's really making Shinn's point hit home!

A: … you do realise both you and Cagalli are older than me, right?

C: *Turns to Athrun slowly*… *proceeds to destroy Athrun along with Shinn*.

K: Now that they're out of the way, does this mean that I get to run this show?

C: Why, frate mai soare*1, I believe WE get to run the show.

K: Does that mean we can kill Yuna, sora mai mare*2?

C: Of course.

_Meanwhile, in the emergency healthcare room:_

St: WAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH! WE HAVE A KEYYYYY PROBLEMMMM HEREEEEE!

Au: AAAARRRRRRRGH! MUMMMYYYY!

Ste: KYAAAAAAAAAAAAA! I DON'T WANT TO DIE!

_10 minutes later, Seiran residence:_

K & C: Buna seara*3, Yuna~! *Open fire with the Freedom & Strike Rouge respectively*

_Meanwhile, in the coffee room:_

D: I wonder where everyone is… I seem to only be here as a convenient titling device…

* * *

*1 = it means "brother my sun". It's Romanian. Guess the anime/manga reference~.

*2 = it means "big sister". Same reference.

*3 = it means "hello". Same reference.

Seriously, imagine the Hibiki/Yamato/Attha twins as THAT pair of twins (while still being armed with an army and/or MS)… the world would end… after being turned into a giant beam-pincushion of course.

* * *

**Take 02: Shinn Saves the Day… or Not**

After each of the Extendeds hopped into their respective MSs, the trio simultaneously rammed a prepared copy of their keys into its rightful place and switched the three Gundams on. As planned, they quickly reprogammed the Gundams to their tastes and began to wreak havoc in the ZAFT base, targeting the MS hangers first.

However, they soon for themselves unexpectedly delayed by a mere Zaku Warrior. If they had known how much grief the pilot of the said Zaku would cause to everyone (and I really do mean EVERYONE) throughout GSD, no doubt they would have taken it upon themselves to kill him. Alas, they did not, and so the serial betrayer would strike again.

Meanwhile, inside the Minerva, Meyrin announced: "Impulse, standby for launch. Pilot, to the Core Splendor."

As ordered, Shinn dashed towards his Core Splendor, not even breaking sweat as he 'coolly' (or so he thought) half-vaulted himself into the cockpit.

"Selecting the sword as the module.

Opening Silhouette Hanger 2.

Silhouette Glide, standby for launch.

The platform has been set.

Central catapult, online.

Closing the airtight shutter.

All emergency personnel in the launch area, please stand by.

Central catapult, lifting off to the launch-"

"WAAAAAAAAIT!" yelled Shinn (who finally found the frequency the emergency radio channel was set on).

"Er. Shinn? What happened?"

"I think I dropped the key to the Core Splendor when I was out shopping with Yolan..." '_So much for a dramatic entrance_,' he thought.

"…"

And so silence reigned on the Minerva for 30 grand seconds until Yolan exclaimed: "oh, when you bumped in and grabbed that blonde chick's rack?"

"…"

And thus Shinn earned the unanimous ire of all the females and most of the males aboard the Minerva.

"Well, officer Trine, do you have any suggestions?"

"Unfortunately not, Captain."

"Shinn, do you know where you keep your spare key?"

"Well… I was about to start writing my report explaining why I lost it when the alarm went off…"

"…."

"So much for the 'Shinn save the day' plan," murmured Vino as he prepared for their inarguable doom.

* * *

**Backstage 02: Shinn Saves the Day… or Not**

D = Dearka

N = Nicol

Sh = Shinn

Y = Yzak

Sh: … I _finally_ get to feature and you make me lose the key to my success?!

N: Hahahaha! He said key! KEY! We have a KEY problem here! HAHAHAHAHA.

D (to Y): Isn't he supposed to be dead this season?

Y (to D): … I don't even know _what_ to say anymore. Everyone who's NOT meant to be here (for this scene) seems to be here…

D (to Y): …? Like who?

Y: *points to Kira, Lacus, Waltfield, Aisha, Neuman, Natarle, Murrue, Azrael, Rau, Meer, Da Costa, Lewis Halberton, Kuzzey, Tolle, Sai, Miriallia, Flay…. Gud Vair, Yamabuki Kisato, Lowe Guele, Ed the Reaper, etc.*

D: … point taken.

* * *

**Owari~**

**A/N: Well, that was a totally random, abrupt and un-funny ending OTL… I've (already) lost my Gundam fandomness it seems… FORGIVE ME D: **


End file.
